Pussy

Hello I'm Thomas,
a mottled tabby cat,
I live here at number nine
but have a varied habitat,
My keepers who are not too bad!
do sometimes get rather fussy,
Its mainly when I make a mess
but what the heck! 'I'm pussy'.
Yesterday I was rather bored
so I had me a little fun,
I caught and ate our Goldfish
my gosh! What had I done?
My keepers both went bonkers
So angry I could tell,
If I was not so agile I
sure would not be  well.

Hey! They tried to smash my head in
with a newspaper rolled like a stick,
But I scurried out the cat flap
just shows that pussy's quick!
My excuse is that nature took over
temptation it ruled my head,
Poor Goldie swimming bored in circles
so I thought I would eat him instead...
Its been three days now
I must be alright
My food is back in my dish,
my keepers never learn though
See! they bought another fish!!!

m00n
ht

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

/16549
   

Sex

A man and a woman were having a drink,
an argument ensued about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything", the woman said laughing!.
Ok imagine your ear itches ok?
Now put your little finger in and wiggle it about,
Ok then now pull it out, tell me then!
Which feels better your ear or your finger?"

another
m00nijoke
ha ha
 

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
 
 

Tommy

My name is Tommy O'Donnell
I live upon a farm,
With goats, pigs and chickens
All smell with a country charm.

Hidden deep within our hayloft
Is a den just made for play?
Where milkmaids come to meet Tommy
In hope of a lust full lay!

But Tommy lied about, O'Donnell
His name is really Mr. Thomas Tucker,
That's why he lays in the hayloft
To practice being a 'mucker'

But today he's feeling unhappy!
His game is not quite the joke
For his latest form of conquest
Turned out to be a bloke!

 m00n
 

Bike

Have you ever witnessed?
What the nervous feeling is like?
When learning to drive a motor car
Instead of riding a bike?
You stop avoiding potholes
Stones, cans and drains
But have a greater worry
The steering's not the same
Before I wobbled happily
Riding on for many miles
But now I get all honked at
And cussed at all the while
To ride a bike is wonderful
Healthy and no fuss
But hey this here motor car
Won't slip in between the bus
I wonder if I'm doing right
Learning to drive a car
Everyone keeps saying
You know what learners are
I seem to find it difficult
So much to do together
The only real advantage is
You're not out in the weather.
I finally decided bike riding versus car
The bike it won the argument
I will rest easy and the like
My son can have his pedal car back!
I'm sticking to me bike...

m00n
 
 
 

Message in a Bottle

In a bottle made of glass
I sent a message, first class

To an important sort of mate
To save a life of no one great.

In the bottle is life or death
Open it to take your breath,

In that bottle take a look!
OMG! urine specimen... Yuk!!

m00n
 
 
 
 

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
 
 
 

Married Life

Two men were having a beer in a bar
They where discussing their sex lives at home.
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?"
"Well... not exactly." his friend replied,
"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well... not exactly...."
"I sit up and beg
She rolls over and plays dead."
 

another
m00niJoke !
 
 
 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
 
 

Big belly Bob

My name is :
Big belly Bob from Birmingham
I drive the condom van,
I travel all the motor ways
Catch me if you can,
I cover all the cites
Contraception is my game
Selling the 'Tadcaster Tickler'
The 'Stockport Sting'
The Huddersfield Hustler
Now there's a thing!
My names:
Big belly Bob from Birmingham
And I drive the condom van.
I call in at all the Café's,
But the Garages are hits
Anywhere you randy gits go
With ye'r female fancy bits,
Thank you very much lads
For satisfying your sexual throb
Or I would be,
Big belly Bob from Birmingham
And would be looking for a job.

m00n
 
 
 

Punk Rocker

Now I'm a teenager toward fashion I do trend
Robbing poor old ladies as their purses I do lend,
I dress up rather modern with my chains bars and pins
I love to get excited as I revel in my sins.

I'm a 20th century punk rocker raving bloody mad!
Doing all the things I find that's bad,
I seek out trouble wherever I may be
Breaking every decent thing my eyes can see.

Rings, pins, and coloured hair we flock around in gangs
Love to go hell raising using foul language slang,
Were 20th century punk rockers we are the tops!
We av'e a go at anyone from daddy to the cops.

With breath that vamps destruction always raisin hell
The public they al like us, like us 'flippin hell'
We are not employees seven days a week
You better pay more taxes turn the other cheek!

They tell us mind your manners; we say one N or two?
They told us were delinquent Yeah! That's flippin true.
So you dirty scruffy bar stewards stand back in haste
Or you'll cop a Molotov cocktail to reshape yer awful face

You see I'm proud of myself, totally in disgrace
Proud to be a punk rocker in a 20th century race,
So mind what yer say, mind what yer do
Or all us lethal punkies will grab a hold of you.

But! While you stand there laughing
We are smiling without shame,
We are 20th century punk rockers
And we'll strike again...

m00n
 

I don't eat snails... I prefer FAST food!
 
 

Condoms

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist
Do you sell extra large condoms?
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She replied, "Noooo,
But do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

another
m00niejoke

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
 
 

Vibrator

A woman customer entered a pharmacy
She asked "do you have a vibrator".
The pharmacist gesticulating with his index finger Said,
"Come this way."
"The woman replied".
"If I could, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"

another
m00niejoke
 

snowman

I made myself a snowman,
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep him as a pal,
And let him sleep with me.
I made him some pyjamas,
And a pillow for his head.
Then last night he ran away,
But first he wet my bed!

 m00n
 

more to follow
 
 
 

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